I’ve just got up and got on with things for so long now. I’ve tried to leave an as normal life as possible. I’ve pretended to feel well when I’m not just to make things easier and to help me lead this ‘normal life’.
And it’s worked but it also has now got to a point where I feel like mentioning how I feel… especially physically, would annoy people.
I feel like whenever I mention that I feel a bit sick or am in a bit of pain.. I should feel guilty for even mentioning it.
It doesn’t help that I’ve come across some people who are clearly annoyed that I even bring it up despite me rarely ever mentioning it. I’ve been moaned at before and I’ve been told “well you look fine” and “you’ve coped with worse”. I’ve even been called selfish!!!
I don’t know why I should feel ashamed for being honest. I’m not saying I’m a complainer. If I complained about every single pain or discomfort or sickness I have.. Well I’d hardly stop complaining!
But I keep having to remind myself that it’s okay to have the odd moments to not hide my feelings. It’s okay to be honest.
Admiting that I’m struggling isn’t a sign of weakness. And yes, how I’m feeling may not be as bad as how others have it with other conditions, but it does affect me. Its horrible to go through. And sometimes I need that little extra support.
Sometimes when I admit that I’m feeling rough all I want is a cuddle or for someone to just listen to me and just be there. I don’t need people shouting or moaning at me, making me feel ashamed for feeling the way I do.
I’m human. I need to let these feelings out. I need to be honest sometimes with how my body is coping.
Yes i’m coping much better than I used to but I still struggle sometimes.
And some days I need to go about my day in a slower, easier process. Please don’t have a go at me for going slower than usual or perhaps not achiving the standard I would if I was having a good day..
My body’s signalling that it needs rest. Its more fragile than usual.. I need to slow down and build myself up again. “re-charge” if you like.
It’s okay not to be okay.
I wish some people understood that.
Katie's Journey 