It’s creeping up on me…

I’ve felt like I’ve been in a good place recently. I’ve enjoyed myself. I’ve been so relaxed. But there’s been a few occasions the last couple of weeks where I’ve just stopped in my tracks and just felt so sad..

I don’t know why. I don’t know how. I don’t know what triggers it… But it’s definetly there.

This has happened before. I get a few ‘outbursts’ of lowness. It’s like a switch that I can’t control. On and off. On and off. It happens gradually.. The out spurts are originally spaced out but eventually become more closer together and more often… And I feel like thats happening now.

I’m trying to actually fight this whilst it’s in its early stages. I’m dismaying the negative thoughts. I’m telling myself it will all be okay. I’m pushing away the bad thoughts and reminding myself of the nicer, positive thoughts. I’m taking control. It’s hard but I don’t want depression to win. I want to be in control. I want to stay feeling positive and happy.

As I’ve said before – I do think it’s harder battling a mental illness compared to a physical illness.

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Low spell

  • I’m having a low spell this morning. I’m going to just get straight to the point and say that instead of suffering in silence, I’m going to list a few things I’m thinking/feeling right now;
    • I want to speak to someone but at the same time I don’t (I clam up)
    • I feel like giving up
    • I’m useless
    • I’m not smart
    • I’m rubbish at my job
    • I’m an attention seeker
    • I feel like pushing everyone I know away because I feel like it would be best for them
    • I feel like someone no one wants to be around
    • I feel like throwing everything I’ve achieved recently away
    • I just want to sleep and cry
    • I want to hide
    • I’m not a good person
    • My mind feels like a set of tangled ear phones
    • My head hurts
    • I can’t control these thoughts
    • I can’t stop these thoughts
    • It’s taking over me and there’s nothing I can do
    • I know I’m in a good place right now (things going well for me at the moment) but I still feel so sad
    • I’m confused.
    • I want help but I don’t know what to say
    • What if I waste people’s time by talking/ranting to them?

    Ideas

    This is a quick post to ask for suggestions about what you, as a reader, would be interested in reading about on this blog.

    Unless something significant happens in my life, I don’t really have much to say currently. I could carry on with my story but the next part is the big chunky bit about the year 2013 when a lot happened with regards to having many many operations and my life changing. But ideally I’d like to start that in January – as that would mark 6 years.

    Is there anything you’d like to know about me, anything you think you would be interested in finding out about me and my story? Maybe there’s some advice you think I could give?

    Let me know by commenting on this or, as I will be sharing on social media, on any of my social media platforms.

    Thank you,

    Katie x