Hey! I thought I’d do an update on my day. I know it’s late but mentally, I’m not in the best place right now. And so, instead of doing my usual thing of crying and asking for someone to talk to, I thought I’d share with you my thoughts and feelings whilst I’m like this.
It may seem odd. But some of you reading this may feel the same and I’m hoping that if you do then 1) you know that you’re not alone and 2) maybe contact me – it’ll be nice to talk to someone who really understands. (Not that I haven’t got much support – I know I have loads of friends and family I can talk to luckily but sometimes it helps if you to talk to someone who thoroughly understands)
Anyway, on to my day!
So today I met up with a couple of friends. It was great, we had a good catch-up, went to the cinema (Mamma Mia 2 – brilliant film – it was my 2nd time seeing it😂), had a look around some shops and had some lunch/dinner.
Overall a good day. I think. This is generally what happens in my head a few hours after I’ve met up with friends/family or someone or just done something that day. I start having thoughts such as;
“Why did I say that?”
“Did that sound weird?”
“Why were they looking at me in that way/what were they thinking?”
“Maybe I seemed to enthusiastic/excited” OR “Maybe I seemed to low/down”
“Did I talk too much?”
“Did I talk not enough?”
“Am I good enough to be around?”
“Do they actually like me or are they just ‘putting up with me’?”
These are just some of the thoughts I am having currently. And are also the thoughts that I have near enough everyday.
Then I start questioning me, as a person, I think that I’m not good enough. I start pointing out negatives about myself. Things I’m not good at. Things I should be better at, but can’t get right. These opinions, words get stuck in a loop in my head. It’s horrible.
Deep down I know today went well. But it’s way deep down. On top of that all I can see are all the ‘errors’ I made today – no matter how small.
This is just ONE way of how anxiety affects me. And now I’m going to try and battle it so I can sleep.
No quote tonight as I can’t really find the right one for this post at the moment.