Ive been doing a lot of reflecting recently. I’ve been thinking a lot about how far I’ve come and what I’ve achieved within the last 7/8 years.
I think it’s because this time 8 years ago I became really unwell and life started to change in a way I wasn’t expecting. I won’t go into detail as I think I’ve gone through this many times before on this blog haha.
I remember feeling scared, anxious, and worried of the future.
At one point I was worried that I wouldn’t have a future..
I’ve been thinking, if I was able to go back in time and see my younger self, what would I say to her? I think many people would like to go back in time and speak to their younger selves.
I’ve put what I want to say into a letter… Here goes..
Dear 15 year old Katie,
Times are hard at the moment. You’re not entirely sure what’s going on. All you know is that you have to keep smiling and laughing. (I know some of Dad’s jokes are bad but just bare with him… He’s trying😂)
You’ve seen many doctors and nurses come and go already.. And you’re yet to see more but don’t worry – they all want to help you!
You are unwell and have just found out or soon to be finding out that your organs are in the wrong place. The mention of operations and tests terrify you – but like your new consultant will eventually tell you – “hang in there!” And if you hear the words “organ failure” – yes there is a risk, but you have not got organ failure and you will not get organ failure as the doctors and surgeons will get to you before that happens.
It’s going to be a bumpy ride, I won’t lie to you. Some operations/procedures will work and some won’t. Unfortunately because your condition is unique no one knows what will definitely work but it’s okay because you will get through it!
Some procedures will seem like they work but then fail as soon as you feel like it’s worked – but don’t give up hope!
You’ll have junior and training doctors come to see you because your condition is unusual but don’t worry they’ll only examine your stomach and listen to your heart – you’re unique – embrace that! (you are going to get so many that you end up creating a poster/ price list for examinations of yourself – which the doctors and nurses are going to love!!) *get a free I met Katie mug will be particularly a favourite 😂
You won’t have the tube in your nose for much longer.. It’ll be replaced by a mic-key button (that’s what it’s called.. Its not what I’ve named it as many people you come across will think😂)
This is a tube that goes directly into your stomach.. Its not as scary as you might think, honestly!!
Use the support around you Katie. All your friends and family are there for you and want to get you through this! (and be prepared for many lovely cards and gifts – especially teddies! 😂)
Most importantly Katie, YOU WILL COME OUT THE OTHER END! You wont be living in and out of hospital forever. You will be back at school (I don’t know why you missed school work so much… You’re such a weirdo 😉😂) you will be able to go out with friends and family and socialise. (including going out for meals – despite not being able to eat a lot you will find away to still go out and enjoy food!) You will catch up. You will have an education, get some GCSEs, A Levels and qualifications in media and business admin. (You will attend 3 years of sixth form to catch up with GCSEs and gain a couple of A-levels as well as make new friends, 2 years of college studying creative media production – where you’ll have fun and meet some amazing people and gain more amazing friends! You will then do an apprenticeship at a local school – your first ever job!)
You do have a future. You haven’t missed out. You will learn to drive, you will get a job, you will get into a relationship (with someone who loves you for you, believes in you and knows your condition doesn’t define you). You will have fun again, you will laugh properly again.
If I’m honest with you Katie – the next couple of years, that’s not going to look possible, but please don’t give up – because it really is! Once the hospital life calms down and you’re starting to live a normal life – your mental health will be affected. It will all hit you like a ton of bricks, but please listen to your friends, your neighbours, your family to get the help you need. Because you are more than someone with a disability. You are capable of so much. You have a couple of limitations, and yes you’re left with scars and tube in your stomach but that does not define you!! You’re funny, kind, brave and beautiful inside and out.
You’re/I’m 23 now. I’m doing a level 3 apprenticeship in business admin at a family hub (you completed level 2 working in a school last year). I have been a relationship for over a year. I am learning to drive. I’m going out with friends and family (well was… A pandemic is currently happening… Long story😅)
Yes, you unfortunately do still have the tube in your stomach but you’re only using it at night – and some nights you don’t use it at all! You’re free during the day to do whatever and you are living a life. You have a few pains and sickness every now and then but you do manage! You’re still on medication but that’s okay.
I’m happy. I’m safe. I’m comfortable. And most importantly… I’m proud. I’ve come so far. You’ve got one heck of a journey to come and things won’t always be easy, but you’re going to make a lot of memories – most of what you remember will be nice, funny etc ones! And you’re going learn things along the way. The nurses and doctors at kings are fab – they become yours and dads friends as you build bonds with them.
Remember Katie; keep smiling, keep trying, and never ever give up – no matter how tempting it seems! Cry if you need to, scream if you need to, no one will blame you. You will get through the hard times. Let your cheeky, mischievous side out – you’re gonna need this side to help keep you positive.
You can do it!
Katie – your future self.
PS. Be prepared for uncontrollable hiccups – they start appearing out of no where and can occasionally sound odd and make people jump… (dad says some of them sound like a car horn in reverse😳😂)
Katie's Journey 