Tag: humour

Why I choose to face my fears

Fear. Anxiety. Nervousness.

These words are what I have felt in the past, and sometimes still to this present day.

I’ve mentioned before how I used to have a massive fear of food. How, because of the problems physically that I’ve had in the past, the fear has affected me during my recovery. The sight, the smell and sometimes even the names of certain foods gave me a chill down my spine. Toast, for example, is a word I would bread. (oops sorry.. Dread 😂 **)

However now I’m pretty much over all of that. I enjoy food. I love food!

I remember when I first started going out with friends and family and socialising after the operations. When others used to suggest going out for dinner somewhere, that is when the full panic would set in. I’d want to go, for the socialising aspect of it, but I would feel nervous knowing there’d be food around me, and perhaps even in front of me. I would have all these worries in my head. Thoughts such as; what if I can’t manage it all? Will it look like I’m wasting food on purpose because I leave a larger quantity than most? What if people stare at me? What if I start feeling unwell? What if I have a panic attack in the restaurant? What if my friends/family are embarrassed of me?

There are times where I’d run these questions over and over in my head until I decide to not go and make an excuse for not going. Not always but sometimes this would happen.

I was also worried about something that has been said to me a couple of times before. “You’ve hardly eaten any of it”. That has been said to me a couple of times before, especially in a restaurant by the waitress/waiter. I feel embarrassed and just plain rude. I know it’s not my fault that I can’t manage it all, and I know I’ve probably left a lot making it look like I’m not happy with the meal or that I’m just wasting food, but I just couldnt help but feel like I’m letting those around me down. And that I’m being rude to the staff in the restaurant. I used to not know what to say. However now, if that was to happen, I tell them the truth when/if they ask me why haven’t I eaten it all or most of it. I don’t go into detail obviously, I just say I’ve got a condition which means I only eat small amounts. And that pretty much works now.

Where was I going with this? Oh yeah. Fear. The fear that I had a few years ago has basically gone now. There is still a little bit of anxiety there but I always go out when invited somewhere. I’ve learnt that avoiding situations that scare me is not always the best thing to do, in fact it makes things worse most of the time. When I used to hide away from others and avoid going out to places with food involved, I felt lonely. I felt like I was missing out. It was horrible.

Eventually something clicked in me and I decided that I wasn’t going to let my fear and anxiety win. I was going to face my fears. I was determined to fight. I wanted to go out with friends and family. I learnt eventually that my friends and family would stand by me and not judge me for not eating a lot. Those who I care about and those who care about me are not embarrassed to be with me despite knowing my lack of appetite. And recently I’ve started to enjoy going out. I look forward to the next outing, in fact sometimes I arrange to go out for a meal with friends. I have also found a way that works for me food-wise. I normally get just one meal, a starter. And have that as my main. Because I know full well I wouldn’t manage a whole main course. Because my appetite has improved slightly and I’m enjoying food more, I can just about manage a whole starter! This works for me. I can eat a nice katie-size portion and I can enjoy spending time with friends and family, joining in with what they’re doing. (plus a starter is cheaper than a main… So it’s normally a cheap night out for me so yay bonus! but shh.. I didn’t say that😉😂)

(**this was a mistake.. My phone auto corrected it to this, couldn’t see the point in deleting it. It kinda works🤷‍♀️😂)

Humour Helps: The saga continues (or as my dad wanted me to call it – “Hospital Funnys”)

I thought I’d make my next blog post a part two of my post made a couple on months ago, “Humour Helps”.

The reason being is that I’ve just been reminiscing with my dad about my times in hospital… As a baby and most recently. He’s told me a few tales some of which I do remember, others I don’t (mainly the baby ones) and I thought I’d share some of them with you😊

So, let’s begin..

The flying dummy

Yes…. You read that right. This tale involves me (as a baby) and a dummy which resulted in my parents and my nurse becoming speechless, confused and yet… amused.

As I think I’ve mentioned before, due to the nature of my condition and surgeries I was having, I was kept in hospital for 6 months when I was born. As I’ve always been told – I was born on the hottest day of the year and came home on the coldest day of the year. And on a few occasions, I was kept in an open incubator to allow room for my organs to slowly, with the help of a bull dog clip and pen, gravitate into my body.

Due to the surgery and because I was very fidgety (like most babies I assume), I had to basically be strapped down so I didn’t move. (by strapped down I mean my legs and arms were taped down so that I wouldn’t touch my stomach) Also because I couldn’t intake orally, I was given a dummy/pacifier with the aim that it would feel like I was eating/drinking.

However, after a while of having this dummy/pacifier I apparently realised that I wasn’t gaining from this device. I was not in taking food or anything. I decided I didn’t want it anymore didn’t I. So… and my parents still aren’t sure how I done this… I shot this dummy out of my mouth, up into the air, across the room and towards the crib far opposite me…

So basically I shot a dummy from my mouth to the other side of the room. Bare in mind I was not that close to other babies, there was no one else in the room and my hands and feet were taped down… How the hell did I manage that?

Apparently my dad, my mum and the nurse just looked into the room from the corridor in disbelief🙈😂

Folding the newspaper

Okay so in this story I apparently am about 1 and a half years old. Me and my parents were attending a hospital appointment.

My dad was sitting there, reading a newspaper when he glanced down at me who was looking at the newspaper as well as looking up at him. I made it clear that I wanted that newspaper… So my dad gave it to me and positioned my hands as if I was holding it from both sides.

Now apparently I tried really hard to at least look like I was reading it (by moving my head side to side😂) during which, a few staff members and a couple of patients noticed and started cooing and giggling at me. I must have noticed this because apparently I somehow managed to bend my thumbs over, neatly bending over the newspaper enough so my little head was peering over the top…. And I just glared at those laughing at me… With a stern look on my face.

It’s safe to say I had the whole waiting room in stitches…. 😂(excuse the medical pun)

Mischevious Ted

Fast forward a few years to the age of 15/16…. I still like to entertain my fellow patients, carers and nurses/doctors the best I can during what can be a stressful and difficult time.

This time it involved my beloved Teddy at the time, Lucky. Yes I called it Lucky because I won it at a tombola a good few years back and it felt like an appropriate toy to bring with me to hospital, to hopefully bring some kind of luck whilst I was going through all sorts.

Now, Lucky was involved in many shenanigans…. But I think this is one of the best moments.

So I was in my own room at this point. I was stable, getting by. And the day nurses were getting to the end of their shift and so were doing their ward rounds whilst showing the night nurses what the day had in store for the patient and what’s to be involved in their night care.

When my day nurse got to me, she stood in front of the door to my room. The night nurses gathered round her, facing her and the closed door. My nurse began her serious talk on what medicines I was on, what my care was etc..

During which my dad decided to ask me if he should take Lucky and make him peer through the window in the door… Of course I said yes! 😂

So.. My dad picked up Lucky and proceeded to make him “walk” and “wave” in the window of the door. All we heard was the night nurses laughing and the day nurse being like “what? I’m just giving you a list of her medication and does… What’s so funny?” 😂😂😂

After the ward round, my day nurse came to my room and told me and my dad that she was so confused as to why everyone was laughing at her serious talk about me and my condition.. Until she turned around and saw a bear waving to them in the window🙈😂😂

And I think I’m going to leave that there for now…. I’m sorry its only 3 stories but I’m getting a bit tired reminiscing and typing😅😂

I have plenty more stories to tell though so stay tuned😉