Earlier today I had a call with my consultant. Turns out my new tube has possibly moved position so gonna have to maybe go back to have another x-ray and possibly have it re-done. It’s okay though. I can do this 👍
I posted on Instagram and Facebook the above as well as a selfie of me with my thumb up.
Because I know deep down I can do this.
But my feelings on the surface are not the same.
I’ve been crying ever since that phone call.
It’s only something small that can be easily amended.
But to be easily amended means more hospital visits, more let downs and probably another painful, horrible procedure.
And of course if this doesn’t work it means back to my old tube. Which means I am to continue suffering with the leakage.
At the moment I feel like there’s no way out.
My condition is always going to be around. In whatever shape or form. There’s always going to be complications. That’s my life.
Deep down I know I can cope, and I know it’s no where near as bad as it has been or could be.. But I’m finding things a bit hard at the moment.
It is so tempting to just tell everyone, including medical professionals, that everything’s okay. That I’m thriving. Because if I did that, they’d leave me alone. Yes, I’ll have to struggle with the leakage and discomfort but at least I’ll have no hospital visits, no being taken out of my day to day routines with work etc and just my “normal life” in general.
I can’t win. I either choose to live a normal life but suffer with discomfort or try and get a result, try and feel better but have my normal life disrupted.
I’ve done it before. I’ve done it most of my life. But I like the normal day to day life. When a hospital visit happens, I dred it because I’m scared I’m going to get too comfortable with a hospital life again.
Has anyone got any tips or any words of encouragement?
Katie's Journey 