Am I ashamed of my pump?

No. Is the simple answer to that question.

I’ve always said how I like to see myself as living a ‘normal’ life nowadays. And I do. I really do.

But I suppose some things in my life that I consider normal, aren’t normal to others.

I guess that’s the same with anyone, but for me I think one of my “normal” things that I don’t blink twice at… is my pump.

I understand why people don’t see that as normal. I haven’t always been connected to a machine. It’s only since I was 15. Before that age I wouldnt see being on a machine as “normal” (I don’t mean that in a horrible way. I know there’s a reason people are on machines and if it helps them then it’s a good thing)

However It’s now become the norm for me. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’d love in the future for there to be some miraculous cure which means I can come off the pump for good. However in the here and now, I’ve managed to get used to the idea of having a tube feed overnight. So much so that I find it weird some nights when I don’t have it connected to me! 😂

It’s not exactly something I want to show off to all my friends and have it connected everytime I go anywhere. I’m glad that I’m not on it 24/7. But at the same time, I’m not ashamed of it. Not anymore anyway.

It’s something good that’s keeping me going. Keeping me alive practically. Its my main source of nutrients. At the moment I don’t eat and drink enough in the day to keep myself going (not entirely my fault.. Physically it’s hard managing my intake)

My FreeGo pump, tubes, and milk formula (god that makes me sound like a baby🙄😂) is allowing me to keep going and live a life.

I don’t post pictures of me connected to my pump/tubes often. That’s because I don’t want people to see me and think of tubes and medical equipment. And I don’t want them to think that, that is my life – constantly connected to a machine. Because I’m not. I’m so much more than that.

And my pump is just my way of intaking food. Like someone once told me… Everyone eats/intakes food/nutrients differently. Some people have allergies so can’t eat certain foods. Some people can’t eat a lot and some can. Some people have to have build up drinks. Some people have diet drinks. Some people have to watch what they eat and limit their intake.

I’m no different. This is my way and I’m not ashamed.