Lockdown

Before I begin I must say part of me feels super bad about writing this post as I know so many of us are struggling right now and as always, there’s so many people worse off than me unfortunately. However I wanted to let you know how I am doing in this lockdown.. And I wanted to be trueful so here we go….

I’m struggling. Like, really struggling. At first I thought it would be okay and I could cope. I’m at home, I’m safe, I’m with my family and I can still contact my loved ones outside of the household through messages and calls. But it’s really not the same.

I’m only going out the house for my daily exercise which is a walk/stroll one the block. I’m not aloud to go out to the shops (well I don’t want to chance it with condition anyway) so Ive spent most of my last few weeks stuck indoors or out in the garden.

The last time I spent most of my time indoors was when I was really poorly and recovering from surgery. And that knocked my mental health quite considerably.

Despite having people in the house to talk to, people on the end of the phone too (I know I’m not alone) I still feel lonely.

I don’t know what to do with myself. My mind keeps going blank. I’m tired and I’ve been getting bad spells more frequently (could be another issue that I think I’ve discovered but I am currently testing that idea).

I’m either not sleeping at all or sleeping too much. I’m finding it hard to concentrate.

I’m trying to keep going and by doing this my loved ones probably think I’m doing okay. That’s what I want them to think I guess. I’ve been scared to admit I’m struggling just incase they see it as a sign of weakness and think I’m not capable of, I don’t know, anything.

I’m scared and confused. I’m starting to feel really low now. The only time I feel “normalish” is when I’m working as at least I have something to keep my mind busy.

I miss my loved ones outside of my household. I really hope things go back to normal as soon as possible.

Please stay at home. The quicker people listen to what the government are saying the quicker we can get out of this and go back to leading normal lives.