I don’t care

I don’t care that I have a distorted stomach

I don’t care that I have a tube in my stomach

I don’t care that I get tired easily sometimes

I don’t care that I’ve got scars

None of that bothers me anymore.

I’m happy. I’m enjoying life. My disability doesn’t get in the way anymore. I finally realise that.

This time 5/6 years ago I was practically bed bound. I spent a lot of time laying in bed with sickness and pain. I couldn’t even sit up half the time. I couldn’t move. I thought that, that was it. That would be what I would be like for the rest of my life. Spending my life in a room, being cared for and have people do things for me, and most of all not being able to go out and enjoy life.

I was 16/17… The age in which people really go out, socialise and find themselves. I was stuck in a room, frieghtned of even turning on the TV just in case a food advert came on or something. It was scary, it was horrible. It was frustrating. I wasn’t in control.

(starting this post I never intended to go quite dark.. But there we go😅😂)

But…

Eventually I overcame that. One day I just stood up and said to myself – “I’m not living this way anymore” and I slowly started to ease myself out of the ‘bed bound’ state. Yes, it has been hard. And I still struggle a tiny bit every so often… But knowing that I’ve overcome so much, convinces me that I can get through anything.

Part of my recovery was getting over my self-esteem. As I got out more, I became more self consious about my scars, about my tube, about my stomach. Eventually I got over my scars. I got over the fact I have a tube in my stomach. And recently I have been actually feeling more confident with the way my stomach looks. Yes, I know it sticks out.. and it’s a slightly odd shape. But I don’t care. I used to. I used to make sure I wore a stomach support (whether in the form of underwear, a belt or a tummy control vest) under whatever I was wearing. But now I rarely wear one.

Yes, I do get comments when I don’t wear my support. Especially the famous “are you pregnant?” haha! But it doesn’t bother me one bit! I find it absolutely hilarious! I like to joke about my stomach every so often. I think it keeps me sane in a weird way. And I like to encourage others to joke or laugh with me. Why not make light of what could be a bad situation?

Infact I had a bit of a funny moment today, where my stomach decided to come out of the support I was wearing (I was wearing a kinda tight dress so wanted to bring my stomach in a bit to make it look a bit better). I was talking to a kid and then.. Out of nowhere… my stomach come out of the support and sprung out (making me look like I had a bump)😂 The poor kid didn’t know what to say… And neither did I. But it was bloody hilarious!! 🤣